glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
