MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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