I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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