i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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