she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
