I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
