i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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