I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
