I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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