how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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