I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
