It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
