I am in a vortex of obligation.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
