She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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