She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
