oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
