Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
