I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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