I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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