I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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