Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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