Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Less talking, more tequila
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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