We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
