Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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