you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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