Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
