this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
