You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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