Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
