How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
