we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
