Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
His nipple licking is glorious
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