too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
