When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I pour the whiskey from now on
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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