I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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