Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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