she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
