Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
