He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
