I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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