i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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