I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
