Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
