you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
