The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
