Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
