Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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