so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it glows. i had to have it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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