EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
