he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My dick has a subreddit
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
